


Trouser Snake

by Stranded_In_The_Cosmos



Series: Sir, There's A Snake In Your Pants [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack?, Crowley doesn't know how to make an effort, How Do I Tag, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, No beta we fall like Crowley, Original Snake Character - Freeform, Sir there's a snake in your pants, no actual sex but it is a spicy meatball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stranded_In_The_Cosmos/pseuds/Stranded_In_The_Cosmos
Summary: Aziraphale is ready to take things a step further, but wait, aren't you forgetting something Crowley? Something long and serpentine in those pants, and the fact you don't know how to make an Effort.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Sir, There's A Snake In Your Pants [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720375
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	Trouser Snake

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!

Crowley was caught in a riptide, Aziraphale’s riptide to be specific. The angel’s mouth was warm and sweet and better than he could’ve ever imagined, it was almost a sin to have thought that he could have imagined this, but he was a demon, so it didn’t matter. (It did to Crowley.)

The pair’s mouths were locked together, neither remembering the arbitrary need to breath as they stayed that way up the stairs in Crowley’ s flat up to the bedroom. 

Aziraphale pushed Crowley onto the bed, breaking the kiss to position himself between Crowley’s thighs. Obviously eager for something more to eat after the angel cake Crowley had given him. The demon had a very good idea it wasn’t cake the angel was after this time. 

“Is this okay?” Aziraphale asked, his hand resting on the zipper of Crowley’s jeans, where a bulge sat. 

Crowley had a sense he was forgetting something, as he said: “Yes, abso-fucking-lutely” But he didn’t question it. That was until Aziraphale had undone Crowley’s zip and was just about to tug his trousers down. 

“Wait, angel-” 

It was too late for Aziraphale to stop his motions. His trousers were pulled down with his pants, and where Aziraphale had expected to see a very lovely Effort made by his demon, a relatively short but thick black and white python sat. Hissing curiously at the visitor. 

Crowley covered his face with his hands, burning red with embarrassment. 

“Crowley?”

“Look, I’m sorry I can explain it’s not what it looks like well it _is_ what it looks like but you know what I mean-” A gentle squeeze to Crowley’s thigh cut him off. 

“Crowley, I’m not particularly bothered, just surprised,” Aziraphale assured. “I’d just like to know why there’s a snake in your pants rather than, well, _anything_ really,” He looked up softly at Crowley. 

“Well…” Crowley trailed off. 

“Yes?”

“I-I, well, I, don’t know how to make an Effort,” Crowley admitted in a small voice he was sure Aziraphale couldn’t hear. 

Aziraphale did hear though. “You, don’t know how to make an Effort?”

Crowley groaned softly and crossed his arms over his face. “Yes, I, well, I guess I meant to learn how to, or maybe I was supposed to know. But, yeah, I don’t know how,” 

Aziraphale gave a look of understanding and picked up the small python. “Well, you could’ve told me my dear. After all, we did have that discussion after Noah about the unicorns-” 

“Yeah, yeah, I _know_ , but I didn’t know how to ask _that_ kind of thing at that point,” Crowley groaned. 

“I don’t see what there is to be embarrassed about, it’s completely normal, at least for humans. And from what I hear, most demons go around sporting one, it would’ve been a simple excuse,” Aziraphale said, petting the small python. 

“Well, there were reasons and hindsight is 20-20 and all that shit,” 

Aziraphale seemed to think for a minute, then said: “Would you want me to teach you?” 

“You’re loose the will to keep your Effort going like that if you do,” Crowley half-joked. 

“Oh, I’m sure I won’t. And anyway, it’s probably going to be a great relief for, what’s it’s name?”

“Richard,” Crowley smiled a bit. “I’m sure you can guess why,”

“That’s quite vulgar Crowley,” Aziraphale huffed. “Anyway, it’s probably going to be a great relief for them to be free of those trousers of yours,” 

“I miracled it all nice for him,” Crowley protested. 

“Well, still, he can live outside of your pants now dear,” Aziraphale smiled. 

“Alright,” Crowley smiled, his embarrassment forgotten. “Just don’t spoil him, ‘ya hear?”

“Of course dear,” Aziraphale smirked all bastard like and snapped his fingers. Placing Richard in a nice terrarium suited perfectly for the snake. 

“Now, let’s get down to you making an Effort my love,” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Please leave a comment if you can!!


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